Isn't this a blog about you? (you ask me) Well, yes. But it so happens that I'm sitting in a library in the middle of the UMass Lowell campus listening to the rain. It occurs to me that I shall be here for but a short time...and even then, I won't ever return to this specific moment again. That said...it's a pretty intense little slice of life encapsulated herein. The question of beginning is a difficult one even to contemplate, and yet it is exactly what I shall do, no doubt somewhere in the middle.
I am returned once more to the land of college applications, only for real this time. [What I mean by that is not that last year's endeavor which placed me here was anything less than real, but rather that the backup plan for failure to achieve my true dreams this year are nowhere near so glossy or rosy in their scope: I may have to settle for a lesser university. On the other hand, this suggests the possibility of study abroad in some foreign land...such as Germany! but I digress.] The SAT subject tests haunt my dreams, and hopefully I will expunge them from my spirit like the evil collection of questions they are this Saturday with what I hope will be my last round of subject tests either. Indeed, I find the intense concentration on test scores more than slightly ridiculous, and yet it is something I am driven to by the world I live in. My environment has made of me but one more little test-bound gofer. Much as I despise it, I blend with all the other overachievers in this stress, and in this hope that my other activities will somehow differentiate me from the crowd.
Indeed, I was somewhat incredulous to hear that my first choice college is actively recruiting someone from my school for their sports achievements. Unfortunately, I find this the most unfair of turnabouts, given that their achievements in sports seem in no way [to me] superior to my own extracurricular ones, and yet the sports advantage will out, if a commitment is made for varsity for 4 years.
At times, the system is grossly unfair. However, I find this nothing more than a passing irritation, drowned by the rain, and occluded by the pleasant breeze coming in with the sound through an open window near where I reside. I can be amazing, I will be amazing, in fact, I am amazing. It is easy to lose sight of this when I surround myself with people who are even more amazing than I am. However, they are what makes life worth living.
Fred, who is as out of my league as the stars are beyond the moon; Bettina, who speaks English better than most native English speakers; my father, who entered grad school at MIT when he was 18; my doctor who attended MIT for his undergrad in chem & chemical engineering and then went on to Harvard for med school; my piano teacher, who got his PhD in physics at Harvard after studying there for his undergraduate degree...and the list trundles on until I run out of paper, patience, and strength in my wrists. [not necessarily in that order]
I have a passion for math. I have a passion for neurology. I have a passion for computer science. I have lesser passion for chemistry, physics, and biology. I have a strong passion for music. In fact, I love to learn. There are almost no subjects I despise, in fact none. Only those I do not like nearly as well.
To that end, I will definitely be striving to perform better than I ever have before, and indeed to do well on my essays. Because much depends on me for the next month.
I can do it!
